I feel like I’ve been sitting on the event horizon of my personal black hole. This has happened to me before and last time, I was past the point of no return without realizing it was happening. That was a very, very bad year. I lost my father and two of my dogs in six months. I stopped leaving my house because both my dogs were lost when I went out. They were old, but it still got to me on some level that it was my fault for not being with them.
My dad had, had a stroke years before, and he was not doing well. Losing him was not a surprise but it still got to me. I wish I could say it was because of good things. I wasn’t ready for those. Mostly I felt cheated that I never got to tell him how angry I was at him while he was still mentally able to understand the rage I’d been sucking up for decades. He made some very selfish choices that severely changed the course of my life.